There is no education manual but some advice can help in the hard work of the parent: from positive rules to competition.
Parenting is the hardest job in the world. No one can deny it. There are many doubts and uncertainties when it comes to bringing up children. That’s why we’re always looking for advice, manuals, blogs that can help us get around to our daily problems. But no one knows your children like you and above all every child is unique.
However, there are some psychological tricks that should not be overlooked when you become a parent. The 12 fundamental ones are these:
1. Force children to make a forced choice
If you want your children to do something, such as eat vegetables or do their homework, give them the illusion of making a choice. As the psychologist Linda Blair suggests, do not order them to eat carrots, but ask them if they prefer to eat carrots or green beans.
2. Give children positive instructions
As the education guru, Steve Biddulph, has pointed out, do not forbid the little ones to do something, rather point out to them what they have to do. So don’t say “don’t walk on the street,” but “walk on the sidewalk because it’s safer.
3. Talking about technology
Parents are the first to put digital devices in their children’s hands. Being a new reality, there are no precise rules to manage the relationship with technology, observes psychologist Genevieve von Lob. However, the direct and continuous dialogue with the children remains fundamental.
4. Stay calm during the exam period
Anxiety is often contagious. So, keep your blood cool, even when your children are under stress. Try to discuss the individual issues that concern them, try to reassure them and find the best way to support them. By becoming a reassuring presence for them, you can provide the right tools to deal with the obstacles of everyday life.
5. Take your children seriously
Von Lob describes as common the attitude of parents who try to solve their children’s problems based on their own experience and maturity. However, there will come a time when they will be looking for someone to listen to their feelings. So it is essential to take the children’s problems seriously and not to intervene too much. This means letting the children make mistakes sometimes. What is the right size? According to the expert there are no precise answers, but it is good that the children win their own challenges, strengthen them and above all pass on the message that you trust them.
6. Overestimate your children
Many parents underestimate their children’s abilities. On the contrary, you have to overestimate them and expect a lot from them, without forcing them but becoming proud of their abilities. Read to them Shakespeare even if they are small, don’t slow down because you think they can’t understand. By developing their inclinations, without oppressing them, you will help them to grow.
7. Praise the children who have done well
In a group of children, you praise what you want to do, not the others. In this way, explains psychologist Rachel Andrews, the other children will try to copy the correct behavior, because they want to receive the same gratification.
8. But don’t praise the results
You do not reward your children for the result they have achieved, but for the effort they have made to achieve it. So don’t reward him for a good grade, but for the hard work he has done. In this way you will help them to grow up as confident adults.
9. Hide vegetables
Many parents try to convince their children to eat vegetables and then promise them dessert. But according to Dr Perry Buffington, children under the age of 12 don’t understand this logic. So, it’s best to prepare meals in which to hide the vegetables by mixing them with potatoes or using them to dress the pasta.
10. Create competition between brothers
Dr. Andrews suggests creating competition between brothers. This would encourage them to bring out the best in themselves. Whether it’s sleep or manners, creating antagonism produces the best results.
11. Take some time for yourself
It is increasingly difficult to cut out time for yourself, but it is very important to find it. There will be times when you will not be appreciated by the family or society in which you live, but it is essential to remember that growing the new generation is the most important job in the world. So don’t blame yourself too much and don’t overly analyse your children’s behaviour.
12. Remember: children are children
Don’t despair if your children can’t handle the big emotions: they are always children and up to 25 years of age, the brain is being formed. So stay calm and ask yourself what’s best for you and them right now.